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The Book of Boundaries: Set the limits that will set you free Paperback – 20 Oct. 2022

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 799 ratings

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'Ground-breaking ... a must-read for everyone'
BJ FOGG, PhD,
Tiny Habits

'The Book of Boundaries is funny, direct, and smart, bringing you actionable tools and science-backed strategies for setting boundaries using language that feels kind, natural, and empowering'
Mel Robbins,
New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Second Rule

Do your relationships feel one-sided or unbalanced? Do you wish you could say no-nicely? Are you depleted, overwhelmed, and tired of putting everyone else's needs above your own? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you're ready to set some boundaries.

Melissa Urban has already helped millions of people establish life-long healthy habits. Now, she shows you how boundaries are the key to better mental health, energy, and productivity, and more fulfilling relationships. Through more than 130 scripts, Urban helps you set boundaries with bosses, partners, family, friends, and even yourself, with tips for navigating guilt and pushback.

Practical and inspiring,
The Book of Boundaries will empower you to prioritise your needs and lead a life that feels bigger, freer and happier.

'If you've struggled to identify and establish healthy boundaries - with family, in romance, at work, or in life - Melissa Urban shows the way forward with clarity, vulnerability, and humour'
Gretchen Rubin,
bestselling author of The Happiness Project

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Popular highlights in this book

From the Publisher

This book will help you set boundaries
'I devoured this book' Kate Bowler
Boundaries protect your energy, time and relationships
boundaries free you from resentment
Full of actionable advice

Product description

Review

Funny, direct, and smart, bringing you actionable tools
and science-backed strategies for setting boundaries using
language that feels kind, natural, and empowering

Mel Robbins, The 5 Second Rule

The rare book that manages to be practical,
thoughtful, readable and even funny

Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

In
The Book of Boundaries, Melissa Urban helps you identify your boundary needs, offers actionable scripts on what to say, and shares proven tips based on a decade of experience helping people live more freely by holding their limits with confidence ― Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

About the Author

Melissa Urban is a six-time New York Times best-selling author who specialises in helping people establish healthy boundaries and successfully navigate habit change. She has been featured by the New York Times, People, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Today Show, and Good Morning America. Melissa has presented more than 150 health and nutrition seminars worldwide, and is a prominent keynote speaker on boundaries, building community, health trends and entrepreneurship. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Vermilion (20 Oct. 2022)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 368 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1785044400
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1785044403
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.6 x 2.7 x 21.8 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 799 ratings

About the author

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Melissa Urban
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MELISSA URBAN is the Whole30 (whole30.com) co-founder and CEO, and an authority on helping people change their relationship with food, set boundaries, and create life-long, healthy habits. After overcoming a five-year drug addiction in 2000, she adopted a growth mindset, dove into fitness, and began to study nutrition. In 2009, she self-designed a 30-day dietary experiment and saw unexpected and life-changing physical, mental, and emotional benefits. A few months later she blogged about the experiment and invited her readers to give it a try, calling the program "the Whole30."

Thirteen years later and Whole30 is now a household name, featuring partnerships with Chipotle, Whole Foods, LaCroix, and Applegate, and eight Whole30 books. Melissa is a seven-time New York Times bestselling author (including the #1 best-seller The Whole30); has been featured by The Today Show, Good Morning America, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, and CNBC; and ranks #13 on 2023's Top 100 Most Influential People in Wellness. Melissa has presented more than 150 health and nutrition seminars worldwide, and is a prominent keynote speaker on boundaries, building community, health trends, and entrepreneurship.

Melissa hosts the popular podcast Do the Thing, available wherever you listen to podcasts. She enjoys hiking, snowshoeing, and paddle boarding; yoga and the gym; solo traveling; reading books; and the science of habit and change. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
799 global ratings

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Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 September 2024
    So many topics covered so I can dip back into its advice again and again!
  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 10 March 2024
    This book is absolutely essential for anyone who needs to set boundaries or has never had any. This book will each you how to protect yourself from people who do not respect you and who over step the mark. It will help you set boundaries to protect both your physical and mental health and overall happiness. This book should be taught in schools. Wish I’d read this 25 years ago! Life changing.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 13 May 2024
    Interesting read
  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 31 August 2023
    Absolutely fantastic guide to boundaries, and I have read several books on the topic. The three levels of scripts for a whole host of situations is genius! Highly recommend following the author on Instagram too, truly inspiring.
  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 April 2023
    Great book well written with clear easy to follow instructions to implement boundaries in all the different areas of life. She literally gives you the words to speak. Cannot recommend enough if you’re new to setting boundaries, have shaky boundaries or just need recheck where your boundaries are.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 10 June 2023
    So many things are covered in this book. My first read in this subject and made me energise to research and practice the subject more!
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 14 June 2023
    I didn’t understand a lot of the slang/jargon. This book didn’t resonate at all with me because I don’t have a young child I’m co-parenting, I don’t have in-laws, I don’t have a boss or work colleagues. I am going to return it asap
    7 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • M
    5.0 out of 5 stars Probably the BEST self help book of 2022; top 10 lifetime
    Reviewed in the United States on 30 December 2022
    I have an extensive library of self-help books - all related to understanding oneself or others, improving virtually every aspect of life, heavy on various psych theories. I honestly didn't have high hopes for this book. I'm not an existing follower, though I have received her newsletter for awhile.

    However, it's true - when the student is ready, the teacher comes. Despite decades of experience and education, my life lately has been a total mess - all because of a lack of solid boundaries. And then this book came along, and kept popping back up at the most opportune moments (i.e., when I was literally going insane due to boundary violations). So I took the plunge and ordered this book. I could NOT put it down! I read it in 48 hours and was actually going to reread it (but my crazy dog literally chewed it up for unknown reasons so now I'm going to buy another copy - I LOVED IT THAT MUCH!).

    The author is not a therapist. I usually gravitate towards professional degrees. No! She not only has lived this stuff (I mean, REALLY lived it), but she's already saved me the time and money of seeking pro advice (cuz she's done the hard work and learned the therapy lessons already). The writing is excellent. The content is totally relatable (for just about every imaginable situation). It's well organized and the info is easy to understand and implement. It really is like talking to a good friend. Even if you have some established boundaries, it's a super reminder for everyone on how to live a decent life (as a decent human being). If your life is already perfect, I doubt you'd be looking into this book (save for gifts!), much less reading this review!

    Just get this book. You will not be disappointed. It's very affordable, doesn't take up much room, and you can always return it if you're grumpy. Or better yet, donate it so someone else can learn this uber important life skill! Is my life perfect now? Not yet (first one has to determine what their boundaries are), but I feel so much better about the future and comfortable with the knowledge that it can be done (still working out my scripts too). What am I most excited about? My kids are still young enough that I can teach them this skill (cuz yeah, they're in the "everyone in everyone's business" generation). You not only learn how to set and hold your own boundaries here...you learn how to be respectful of others'. Win-win-WIN!
  • siantaylor
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read book
    Reviewed in Germany on 17 November 2022
    I devoured this book and immediately ordered a copy for a friend. This is the bible, complete with scripts, to get you through every situation where you need a boundary - hint: there are lots of those times. It's well-written and researched, practical and frankly indispensable.
  • Catherine O'Keeffe
    5.0 out of 5 stars A self-help book that is instantly useable and makes you feel good.
    Reviewed in Canada on 4 January 2023
    This book gives you exact dialogue that is polite and clear for setting boundaries in every conceivable situation. It makes you think of all the possible scenarios as you enter into new relationships and how to communicate so that everyone feels good.
  • Cassandra
    5.0 out of 5 stars excellent handbook on boundaries!
    Reviewed in the United States on 31 December 2022
    Absolutely eyeopening reading for anyone struggling with time management,low self esteem or confidence,resentment,frustration, people pleasing etc, and perhaps especially anyone who was abused in anyway as a child.
    Well written and well crafted topics from beginning to the end.
    Growing up my boundaries were never respected,I never knew I had the right to any.Many years and many often painful lessons later, did I start discovering the magic of saying no and boundaries.
    This book covers many different topics and options and I particularly enjoyed all the author’s personal experiences and anecdotes of other peoples experiences.Made it all the more relatable.
    Mostly I realized the boundary I had missed most of all was honoring my own boundaries and not letting myself down.
    My life has already improved in just a few days as I am far more conscious of myself and others- recognizing their boundaries for what they were, and finally realizing it was Not personal and I could respect them all the more for it.Win win situation all the way round.
    Highly Recommended for everybody really- the earlier children learn about boundaries the better.Grow up into well adjusted adults with healthy boundaries.
  • DukeOfEarl
    4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, but a Little Light
    Reviewed in the United States on 14 November 2022
    Melissa Urban's new book doesn't give a neuroscientific or empirical look at why boundaries can be effective (if that's what you're looking for), but this easy read does get you thinking about boundaries you can set and maintain in various areas of life. The most useful takeaway I had was from the section about YCDIAYW (you can do it anyway you want). It was nice to read some reassurance that one's relationships do not have to follow some cookie-cutter script for them to work.

    This material does seem to be written with an audience of women in mind. (There are several unfounded attributions of various problems/concerns to "the patriarchy.) Nothing wrong with that, but it is something to keep in the back of one's mind prior to picking up the book.